So again, it's been a few days. I was attending a course over the weekend in Exercise Theory, which is the first step to becoming certified as a fitness instructor. Anyway, not what the focus of this blog will be. It's been a week now since I finished Discovery, and it's been a bit of a shock to realize just how negative I am, and those around me. I was disappointed that only one family member was completely supportive of me, without warning me about the hidden agenda in the marketing of the course. Even the friends that I invited to the graduation were suspicious and annoyed that I was trying to "sell" them something. Honestly, I have no interest in having my friends sign up for this course, but I do care about helping them where I can. But it seems that help is only appreciated when it is a service or a favour being provided, It was almost offensive, and really made me think about the people who are in my life. I won't go into any more details about it, out of respect for my people, but it certainly opened my eyes to the box that I've been living in for so long.
The negative self-talk has certainly been loud these days. Whether it is telling me that I am a fraud with no right to give anyone health advice, or that I'm a total train-wreck, it seems like the voices in my head are yelling at me louder than usual. What's sad about it is that these kinds of thoughts have been present for a good 15 or 20 years. It's been hard to just notice them and let them pass, and I definitely have to work on my mindfulness skills.
Another interesting thing I wanted to comment on was the notion of 'being realistic'. In a few very different instances, I have been told that I need to be realistic about life and the world. The example that has really been sitting with me is one where I posted a comment on a public news site on Facebook about why it is ridiculous that Americans should be allowed to carry a gun anywhere and everywhere they please. Like in Starbucks, or a mall. Personally, I think this is ridiculous, but I was called out by two different people for living in a fantasy world of butterflies and unicorns where no one needs a gun. Why does anyone need a gun? One of my debaters said that we need guns because police response times are too slow when you call 911, and you should be able to protect yourself. I don't see how this is relevant to needing a gun in Starbucks, but he is entitled to his opinion (even if I think it's wrong haha). Anyway, the original post and all of the comments about it made me really think about what kind of reality we are living in. If we perceive that we are living in a world where you need to have a gun to go to Starbucks, then of course the world will be a scary and dangerous place. If you think that everyone is out trying to get you, then you project fear and suspicion into the people around you. By living in this fear, we can then only see the reasons why we need to have protection at all times. Of course, I do acknowledge that the world has become a pretty dangerous place. The number of break-ins, robberies, and homicides I'm sure has increased exponentially over the decades, and this is really sad. There is definitely a reason to be guarded, but if you feel that you can't leave your house without protection, that is whole other story I think. What would the world be like if we projected love and compassion for those around us? I admit that I have been scared and suspicious of people based on what they look like, as I'm sure we all have. But what if next time I see a homeless person, I say hi to them instead of avoiding eye contact at all costs? The men who walk up and down the street in between cars at red lights asking for money- usually I say out loud "Get a job" or something negative like that, with no insight as to why this person is in this situation.
As a society, we are so quick to judge others, and I can't help but feel that this is part of the reason why we live in fear. The media doesn't help either; wouldn't it be nice if random acts of kindness were headlines in the news, rather than murders and bombings? I have given thought from time to time about starting a chain of random acts of kindness, but never really did. Whether it's paying for coffee for the next person in line (now if that doesn't solve the problem of needing a gun in Starbucks, I don't know what will!), or helping someone without feeling resentful or expecting something in return, don't you think the world would be a nicer place? I do. I'm sure we all think this is a good thing to do, but how often do we actually do it? I will challenge you to try to do something nice for someone else, even just once a week, and see how it makes you feel. Do something with no expectation, purely out of the goodness of your heart. It doesn't have to be much, and it doesn't have to be expensive. And let me know how it goes. I'll post the acts of kindness that I perform, and hopefully we will observe a ripple effect from this.
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