So, I know I started this blog saying I would post daily for accountability, and it's been 5 days since my last post. I just finished taking an incredible course, that has completely opened my eyes to why I've been struggling for the last few years. One of my best friends signed me up for the course, and I'm so glad that she did. My previous blog, Journey To Recovery, focused on my struggle with depression and bulimia, and the journey I was taking to "get better". In taking this course, I have realized just how much I've been letting my illnesses control me. As I said before, I've been very cognizant about my mindset recently, and this course totally showed me that I am on the right track with being aware of how much my attitude affects my life. Through various activities and discussions, I realized that I have been acting as a victim of my situation. Being broke, unhappy with most aspects of my life, really struggling to function daily- just a few of the issues I've been dealing with. But, perhaps I put so much emphasis on the negative aspects of my life, this is why things are bad? If I say "I am broke", then of course I will be broke! I have been holding back on getting a "real" job and doing something with my education. I have started a couple of home-based business, and have yet to do anything significant with them. I'm sure most people reading this have no idea about this, because that's how afraid I've been to put myself out there. Here are opportunities to earn money, to be able to say "I am financially secure", but I am afraid of judgement, rejection. I hold myself back because of another story I tell myself, "I'm not worthy"- I haven't used what I learned from the Institute of Integrative Nutrition' Health Coach program because I have been afraid that I have no business giving anyone health advice, because of my past. I tell myself "You can't do this- you're fat! You don't eat well enough to give advice to someone else!" or "You just half-assed your way through that course, and though KNES, you aren't an expert!" But really, I've worked hard to learn what I've learned, and who says I am not worthy of giving health advice? I do, I guess, but does anyone else? Does anyone else out there actually doubt my credibility just because I have back-fat? Does anybody even notice this? Perhaps by being so focused on the image that I don't think I am, I can shift my focus and stop believing those stories. I am a worthy person, and I deserve to be happy. I don't have to let my situation rule my life. Instead of living as a victim, I can thrive as a successful person! I know deep down I have it in me, I've just been to afraid to let it out.
The longer that I keep living in the past, the longer it will take me to improve. If I start every day with intention, and commit to following through on it, who knows what I'll be capable of? Over the last years, I've had all kinds of intentions; but never really achieved them. Or not as fully as I would have liked. I've let external circumstances wear me down, instead of viewing them as growth. Sure, I've had my share of external circumstances (see Prologue in Journey to Recovery if you would like to read about my story), but letting them run me is really bringing me down! I've been following a couple of inspirational women on Facebook for the last year or so, and am in awe of how they've turned their lives around. Women who I actually see as kind of similar to me. Both were able to find great success in sharing their passions with the world. Both women are single mothers, and discovered their passion in a time of unhappiness. My passion, as I've discovered in the last few years, is wellness. All aspects of it. I truly believe that to be in great health, you must honour your mind, body, and spirit through things like learning, connecting with others, fitness, nutrition, yoga, counselling. If ill-health is present in any aspect, true healing comes only when the mind, body and spirit are whole. I've been putting this into practice with my own life recently (hence the blog), and I do notice a huge difference in how I feel when I've eaten well, exercised, or practiced yoga, but also how I feel when I be honest and kind to myself. By learning to live from a place of love, rather than sadness, I can become whole, healthy, and healed. I'm not defining success only with money; I want to be happy in my relationships, in my work, in my health as well. Financial success would be nice, but it's not the main focus. I am setting goals for myself that I am finally ready to commit to, because I deserve success and happiness in my life. So please encourage me to stay strong and keep going; I appreciate any feedback on my journey.
When I first published my article "A Tale of Two Sisters" (again, see the prologue in JTR to read), I was proud yet scared to share it with others. While I wanted to share my story with others, and serve as an inspiration for those who also struggle, I found it difficult to do so. I know that it was inspirational though; I got so much positive feedback from people, whether it was someone reaching out to me to say they struggle too, or someone telling me how brave I am to come forward with this. I really just want to say "thank you so much!", but at the same time, I am so scared of judgement from others about putting myself out there. If everyone really knew what was going on inside my head- why would anyone want to be friends with me? Or take advice from me? But I don't want this. In fact, I'm done with this. Holding on to my fears and staying stuck in the victim mindset diminishes my ability to empower myself, or anyone else, for that matter. I'm ready to re-write the ending of my story as the beginning of a new story- one that I can be proud of sharing with anyone, with no fear at all.
*If you are interested in any of the course work I've done outside of university, I'm more than happy to share! You can check out the websites here:
www.integrativenutrition.com
www.lbseminars.com
www.amythiessen.com
www.jackiedumaine.com
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