This is something I've been thinking about over the last few days. I have these grandiose plans to improve everything in my life- my health, my happiness, my relationship with my son, the cleanliness of my house, and so on. I have this idea every summer, and sometimes I am successful for a couple of weeks. Every year, I want to be better than I am right now, and then go on a cleaning and shopping spree to fill my fridge with new, healthy stuff. I feel accomplished and happy to be in this place again. Then after a few days, something comes up, and we have to eat out. Then the next week when I had planned on cleaning, something else came up, and before I know it, I'm back to where I first started. Messy house (again), eating junk food (again), feeling like a failure for not keeping up with my plan (again). So why am I attempting this again? Because I truly want to be happy and healthy, and I feel that my messy, disorganized house, diet and relationships are standing in the way of this. I do realize now that I can be in control of this, and that with consistent, repetitive effort and organization, I can accomplish this. And if I don't get everything done in one day? That's okay. There is always tomorrow. Health and happiness seem to result from the cumulative build-up of behaviours. You can't just clean your house once and expect it to be perfect from that day forward. You can't work out once and expect to have a 6-pack. Keep at it, and don't give up. Don't worry about eating the wrong thing, or not getting the cleaning done, it's okay. In the past, when I would "screw up" my self-imposed diet plan by eating something "bad", then I would either give up, or become stricter with my diet and exercise to compensate. This did nothing for me, other than create a cycle of negative thoughts, and destructive eating patterns. This is not serving me, so I am ready to let it go. I woke up this morning feeling bad that on day one of yet another healthy eating plan, I had wrecked it by eating popcorn and ice cream the night before. I was starting to feel like maybe I'm not cut out for this, but then I got thinking about all of the successful people I know and look up to, and thought about what they would do. I think they would just try again. Start fresh, make the best choices I can today, given what I have to work with, and go from there. It's progress, not perfection, that I am aiming for this time.
What I am planning to do differently this time around, is to 1)write things down, 2)make time to do things, and 3)do something small every day. What three things do I want/need to get done? How much time do I have? What is standing in my way? I have realized that over the last few years, I have been standing in my own way of achieving happiness. Yes, there have been life events that were difficult to deal with, but every body has those. I am learning that it's not so much what happens to you, it's how you react to it. I have reacted to things by letting outside influences and internal thoughts rule my behaviour. If I keep telling myself "I don't have time for...." or "I can't be successful because..." then I will never be successful and I will never have time. If I change my outlook, then maybe I can be successful and have time for things.
Now, of course, I don't know this to be true. I hear and read anecdotal evidence from other people that this works, and I used to think "I can't be like those people, because...." but I'm done with excuses. These stories I tell myself are not serving any purpose for me, so it is time to let them go. Even if my house is still messy, and yesterday I ate too much, that's okay. I'm not perfect right now, and maybe I never will be. I am me, and I am just fine the way I am.
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