When the going gets tough.....

So this post comes in the aftermath of a bit of disappointment.  I found myself getting quite upset and frustrated, because it seems at times that regardless of the effort I put in to anything, the reward is only temporary, and I am quickly slipping back into old habits.  All this work to earn money, eat clean, keep my house organized- and so quickly I find myself broke again, eating badly again, and my house a giant mess. Seems like a lot of effort and for what?  To be right back where I started?  Why do I even bother with trying?  Maybe I should just give up and quit trying to reach my goals.

That's what I usually do after a slip-up, and I always end up feeling badly about it.  Feeling defeated, hopeless, like a failure.  Which leads to negative self-talk and more feelings of being a failure.  I'm sure we've all heard the saying about insanity- "Doing the same thing over and over, but expecting different results".  I am definitely guilty of this.  Setting my expectations high, approaching the task with an all-or-nothing attitude, then getting upset when it doesn't work out perfectly.  I've talked before about planning, so I won't go into much detail about why it is important for reaching goals, but instead I am going to speak about forgiveness.  Instead of beating myself up for slipping up and failing to reach my goal, I will forgive myself and get back on track.  Things happen, and no one is perfect.  I'm sure even my idols fall off their diet plans at times.  But instead of calling themselves names, and continuing to eat everything in sight, they get right back to eating clean again.  I saw a quote today about failure not being a sign of weakness, but an indicator for new beginning with greater insight.  A slip-up can become an opportunity to check in with ourselves and think about why we have set this goal in the first place.  Why is this goal important to you?  In my case, eating clean and healthy is important to me, because I am in the process of becoming a wellness counselor.  It would be hypocritical of me to preach the benefits of eating well while I secretly eat junk food.  But that has been what I've been doing.  Additionally, I am quite frustrated with the effects of the junk food on my body.  Excess weight, cellulite, and acne have been the bane of my existence for as long as I can remember.  Since I hit puberty at about age 13, to be more precise, and I would have thought that nearly 20 years later, acne wouldn't be an issue anymore.  But it is.  And it really bothers me.  The skin is our largest organ, and provides a barrier to the outside world.  It protects our vital organs, tissues, and cells from being exposed to harmful toxins and chemicals.  But when skin problems such as acne are present, it could be a sign of inner toxicity.  Given that the acne has been pretty much constant, other than for a handful of times during my life, it makes me wonder if it is related to something internal.  A digestive issue, a food intolerance, who knows.  But clearly, what I've been doing hasn't been working.  I have tried nearly every topical acne treatment, birth control, facials, tanning- everything short of Accutane, and while I have had some success with these treatments, the acne comes back as soon as I stop.  These are merely treatments of the symptoms, not necessarily a solution to the problem. 

So, in line with my goal of eating clean, I'm not doing it necessarily for weight loss (although that is a happy side effect of eating well), but for the greater benefits of it.  Better sleep, clearer skin, healthy insides- there really are no downsides to feeding your body with optimal nutrition.  Sure, it can be more expensive and time consuming, but the benefits far outweigh the costs.  How do I feel after eating junk food?  Sick, to be honest.  So why do I continue to eat it?  Because it's easy.  It's familiar.  Other people seem to be able to eat it without issues.  But does it make me happy in the end?  No.  Does the energy boost I get from eating healthy food make me happy?  Definitely.  So, even though it's more work to eat well, it is worth it in the end.  Even if you have an off day (or week, in my case), there is no reason not to get back on track with eating and living well.  Take care of your body, it's the only place you have to live.

Letting Go of Expectations

I just want to check in today about expectations, and how they almost limit possibilities.  I seem to always have this idea in my head about what "should" be, or how something "should" turn out, and often I am disappointed with the result.  I do realize that opening my mind and accepting each situation for what it is will bring me far more peace in the long run; but it seems like letting go is easier said than done.  I suppose for a long time I've had a general idea in my head of what I'd like my life to look like, and it has definitely changed over the years.  I acknowledge that I can't control everything in my life, and that the more I try to control things, the harder things get.  It is a challenge to be content with what is, when all I can think about is what I think should be.  And this goes with everything- my health, my relationships, my career path, school.  If I don't like what is currently happening in my life, I have a tendency to seek happiness somewhere else.  But this often leads to more misery than what I started with.  What's so wrong with just accepting everything as it is, and understanding that if I want it to be different, I am the one to make that change.  During a seminar I was watching back in May, the facilitator referred to being content as "waking up every day and not wanting to change a thing".  Maybe not everything is perfect, but everything is as it is, and you are able to draw peace from your surroundings.  I think this is definitely going to be a work in progress; I know there are many things I wake up to, wanting them to be different.  But is different better?

I've been thinking lately about the saying "the grass is always greener on the other side", which makes me wonder if it really is.  Would things be better if I had the body I want?  Would things be better if I had a partner who shared all of my interests?  Would things be better if I had more money?  Okay, so I will argue that having more money would likely make things better, and not in the sense that money buys happiness.  Financial security would probably make things better, not necessarily financial abundance.  Sure, it would be great to have lots of money, but for now I would be happy if all of the bills were paid, and I didn't have collectors calling me daily.  In time, that will come.  But for now, while I sit here in luxurious poverty (as in people living in "real" poverty don't wear designer clothes, have iPhones and iPads, and drive a brand new car) I so often find myself complaining about not having enough money or time to do the things I want.  There is so much emphasis these days around "living the life you want" or "living the life of your dreams", which seems to often revolve around cruises and private planes, swimming pools and mansions,cars, money, luxury.  Why are these the things we are supposed to want?  Are these the things that will truly make us happy?  I don't know, and I don't really think so.  Yes, it would be great to have all these things, but they are just things.  Will your private jet care for you when you are ill?  Will your mansion be there for you during good times and bad?  Probably not.  But back to my original point here- what if I watered the grass on the side that I am on?  Instead of always dreaming about what I would like my world to be, maybe I should open my eyes to what it is right now.  If I am so focused on what I don't have yet, how can I even be aware of what I do have?

I think this is a fairly common problem in post-modern society; we are constantly bombarded with images and messages about what we should want, what we should look like, and what should be important to us.  So what if we all ignored this?  What if we took a moment to be truly grateful for what we have, in this moment?  Sure, I have more body fat than I want, but if I were to get seriously ill, then maybe I'd have a longer chance to live than someone who is underweight?  I have more body fat than I want, but I don't have diabetes or a heart condition (that I know of).  I am able to wake up each day, get myself out of bed, and care for myself without requiring assistance from someone else.  I have a partner who loves me for who I am right now, not for who I might become.  I have family who care about me, whom I am able to spend time with; three of four grandparents well into old age who still live in their own homes.  I honestly think these are the things we need to cherish- people, not things.  Cherish and love yourself unconditionally, and love others just the same.  Stop waiting to be happy, and start being happy right now.  Find it inside yourself, and let it radiate to those around you.  "Water the grass" by nourishing the relationships you have right now, instead of searching for something else.  Realize that what you have right now is enough, don't always seek out something more.